Imagine a world without the Philippines
If you are ever in the need to drive in the street of Manila, the following rules may help you to get to your destination in one piece.
The Filipino Drivers Greetings: When greeting a filipino driver, slowly lower your window and be prepare to greet the driver with: “Tang ‘na mo, Bobo”. However, if you have been already addressed by a fellow driver, reply with a joyful “Tang ‘na mo rin, Gago”.
On turn signals: If a driver in another lane turns on the turn signal, do not let him go in to your lane. In fact press the accelerator and start driving next to him/her. The fellow driver will probably greet you and you already know what to do.
On Traffic Lights: These amusing artifacts hang from intersections for no apparent reason. Sometimes you will see driversstop to see the colors change on these lights (a facinating experience).
Government officials (specifically police) believe that each colors stands for an instructionsfor drivers to follow. From pure observation I have determine the following instructions for each colors:Yellow light: accelerate your car as much as possible.
Red light: this light gives permission to the next five to six cars to go through.Green light: reduce speed and wait for the five to six cars passing through their respective red lights.Little-known-fact: Time to start honking your horn, as soon as the lights turns green: 1.5 seconds.
On Changing Lanes: Changing lane has been elevated to an art form in the Philippines.First of all, no matter what you do, never turn on your turn signal or other wise you’ll stimulate the reactions describe above. Second swerve your car uncontrollably to the lane you want to change, preferably if you end up with in inches of a car in that lane. At this point a greetings from the other driver may be in order. To perfect your change in lanes, reduce the speed of your car dramatically in a matter of seconds and you will see an action packed reaction from the car behind you.
On Traffic Jams: Traffic jams are teeming with fun filled activities such as:Honking your horn harmonically.Put on Make-ups (usually female drivers only)Nose-pickers sightseeing. (not to be confused with people to scratch their brains through their nose)Reduce the speed to watch what ever is causing the traffic jam. Add excitement by trying to see if you know the parties involved. (note: every filipino driver is obligated to do this)Lose weight by sweating like a pig as a result of a lack of air conditioning. Greet other drivers.Practice lane changing. Play the game: Let’s see how close I can get to you before rear-ending you._
On Pedestrians:These individuals are an annoyance to the Filipino driver. If you see pedestrian on your way, accelerate your car to let them know whose the Boss. If you are in at an intersection, let the pedestrians know you want to proceed by accelerating your car and honking at the last possible moment._
On Social Situation: Bumping into a friend while driving (not to be taken literally) is a joyful occasion. Driver should reduce speed and stop their cars in the middle of the street and chit chat. What about other drivers? Well, they can wait.
On Highway Driving: Bottleneck formation: to accomplish this type of driving , cars must block all lanes by driving at the same speed and side by side (to avoid other cars to pass) . It is important to drive at a speed at least 20 mph below the speed limit .The Three-Lane-Change: This movement requires a lot of precision and creativity. It should be done the highest number of cars possible. And in a matter of seconds to create what others may refer to as widespread panic.
by: Anthony Vincent S. Bolaños
source: www.pinoyjokes.net
1. You’re related to everyone.
2. Your parents call each other “Mommy” and “Daddy.”
3. You have uncles and aunts named Boy, Girlie, or Baby.
4. You have relatives whose nicknames consist of repeated syllables, such as Jun-Jun,Ling-Ling, Mon-Mon.
5. You call the parents of your friends and your own parents’ friends “Tito” and “Tita.”
6. All of your children have four or five names.
7. You greet your elders by touching their hands to your forehead.
8. You always kiss your relatives on the cheek whenever you enter or leave a room.
9. Your grandmother greets you by giving you “smelling kisses.”
10. You live with your parents until-and at times even after you’re married.
rowena_o From sydney
source: www.pinoyjokes.net
Filipinos have a great sense of humour. They always find time to exchange a joke or two, or weave an amusing story.
Aside from being amusing, Pinoy jokes reflect the Filipinos’ ability to adapt to changing times. Pinoy jokes also demonstrate the Filipino way of looking at things: to make fun out of our own misfortunes. ‘Why worry? Be happy!’
Truly, Pinoy jokes show the Filipinos’ skills in story-telling and improvisation.
Admin Notes: The above quotes are excerpted from “The Best of PinoyJokes.net” book form of www.pinoyjokes.net and is reprinted here to give us a background of our Jokes category. May we also add, the kind of jokes that Filipinos weave are truly ‘Only in the Philippines’ type. Very unique. Very contextual.